Some Thoughts on DuckBob Spinowitz

By Roger Henry David Thomas (a.k.a. Tall) 

men-in-black-3-sunglassesI am not entirely certain who I offended when I was assigned to work with the subject known as DuckBob Spinowitz. The Grays, an extraterrestrial race, found something worthy in him and made him a sort of guardian of the galaxy. He was tethered to The Matrix, seeing all and responsible for keeping peace and order.

Our agency is sworn to help him and somehow I became his handler. Then his partner. Now, I suppose, I call him a friend.

When we first met, I considered him a juvenile delinquent, a lab rat, and a loaded gun, a menace to Earth and the universe as a whole. But then things happened and he accomplished things that I thought difficult nigh unto impossible. And he did it after having his human head morphed into that of a mallard, literally becoming DuckBob.

He’s lazy and is the textbook definition of a slob. Yet, he somehow manages to keep tabs on the myriad alien races populating the known universe. I can’t tell a Yridian from a May-bin-yo but he can and right there I can admire him.

I once described my job to him, “What we do, it’s dangerous. Really dangerous. We’re facing aliens all the time that’re bigger than we are, stronger than we are, faster than we are, smarter than we are, and a lot of ’em have way better tech than we do—and much bigger guns. We’re putting ourselves at risk every day, in order to protect the American people and their way of life.”

DuckBob has to worry about the entire universe.

And there are times I think the universe worries about him. I just got word, the universe apparently feels it owes DuckBob some kind of debt. They’ve found a way for him to do his job without being connected 24/7 to the Matrix. He’s been brought to Earth to taste freedom for the first time in years.

My task: keep him safe and keep him close because they may have freed him, but I also know the universe is a joker. Something’s coming for DuckBob and I have to keep him safe.

God help me, but we need DuckBob. And I need my friend (not that you need to tell him that).

DuckBob (and Tall) will return this fall in Three Small Coinkydinks.

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