Category Archives: DuckBob

Take three DuckBobs and call me in the morning!

No, that wasn’t it. Hang on . . . DuckBob takes three in the morning and never calls!

Still not right.

Oh, wait, I remember now—it’s DuckBob, Take Three!

That’s right, if you loved No Small Bills and Too Small for Tall, and have been tearing out your hair in despair because there weren’t any more stories about everyone’s favorite alien-altered, duckheaded bloke, your prayers have been answered! Because the third DuckBob novel is now here! DuckBob is back, along with Tall, Ned, Mary, and a whole host of other wacky characters. See what happens to DuckBob’s job! Learn why Ned sounds like he’s from Brooklyn! Meet DuckBob’s family! And more!

Want more info? Check out the back cover copy:

Bob Spinowitz was an Coinkydinks coverCaverage guy—until aliens abducted him and gave him the head of a duck. Then they asked “DuckBob” to save the universe, since their modifications meant he could. Talk about a backhanded compliment!

Amazingly, though, DuckBob did it. And thus became Guardian of the Matrix, which protects the cosmos from further invasion—as long as he’s plugged in. Literally.

But alien techie pal Ned just made the Matrix User Interface wireless. Suddenly, DuckBob is free again—the whole universe is at his alien-altered, webbed feet! Only problem is, could being unplugged mean he’s out of a job?

As a pick-me-up, Ned takes DuckBob to his homeworld—which looks just like Brooklyn. Odd changes are afoot there, however—ones with potentially cosmic repercussions. Soon DuckBob finds himself struggling to stay alive. And to find lunch, which is equally important.

Can DuckBob conquer his doubt, rein in his freedom, and help save Ned’s world? Or will our avian-esque hero’s first unrestricted flight be the last—not just for him but for us all?

Three Small Coinkydinks (330 pages, $4.99 epub/$14.99 trade paperback) is now available in print and epub formats. Get your copy today and start laughing all over again!

 

Funny books? We got you covered!

Almost three years ago, as Crazy 8’s second (one could even say “sophomoric”) release, we put out a zany little book about a duck-headed man and his bizarre, disjointed, hilarious quest to save the universe. That book, of course, was No Small Bills, which became a NOOK bestseller right out of the gate. Apparently people like to read funny stuff–who knew?

A year later, our avian-altered friend was back for more wacky hijinks in a second novel, Too Small for Tall.

Now, two years later, it’s time to saddle up and ride out yet again, because DuckBob Spinowitz is coming back! The third DuckBob novel, Three Small Coinkydinks, will be out later this month—but you can ooh and aah over the cover starting now!

Coinkydinks coverC

There, isn’t it pretty?

Not enough for you? How about a small sample to whet your appetite? Read, enjoy, gaze longingly at the cover some more, and watch for the book’s debut coming soon!

*   *   *

Meanwhile, I’m outside my old office. Should I go in? Should I tell my old boss, Phil, that I want my old job back? Should I grovel? Should I just stroll in like I own the place, say, “Yo, Phil, how’s it hanging? I was busy saving the universe and all but that gig got old so I figured I’d swing on back, you don’t mind, do you? And hey, can you grab me an espresso? I’ll be at my desk,” and see how long it takes anyone to wonder what I’m doing back or to point out that I may not actually work there again? I’m pretty sure I saw this movie years ago and it worked pretty well, especially for Teen Wolf and Supergirl.

Thing is—thing is, now that I stop and think about it, I hated my old job. Really hated it. All I did all day was scroll through screens on my computer, click a bunch of boxes on and other ones off, submit the form, and then repeat the process. It really didn’t seem to make much difference which boxes I checked, either. I know because I got bored after a while and started doing patterns, just like I used to do on the old standardized tests back in school. Which might explain why I almost got held back a grade twice but the NSA wanted to recruit me right out of middle school. So I used to check boxes in squares and rectangles, triangles and rhombuses, fleur-de-lis and stars, spirals and ankhs and infinities and subway maps. Nobody ever complained, at least to me, but I’m pretty sure we destabilized a small third-world company and brought a busload of tourist gamblers back to life. That’s bound to balance out whatever else happened, right?

Even if it does, though, can I really stand to go back to that? I mean, I saved the universe, man! I fought off an alien invasion! I stopped a galactic menace with nothing but taffeta and taffy! I fried a killer shrimp! After all that, how’m I gonna be able to survive working in that tiny little cube again, hunched over that tiny little screen, clicking buttons?

Wow, I had no idea just how much my old life sucked. Good thing I haven’t bumped into anybody I know yet—that’s the thing about being this distinctive, it’s not like my old friends and former co-workers could walk past and think, “Huh, weird, another guy who was modified by aliens and given the head of a duck just like DuckBob, what’re the odds?”

Which is, of course, right when a hand lands on my shoulder. A big, meaty hand, caught up in the cuff of a dark suit. And there’s the rest of the suit behind it, along with a white shirt, a dark tie, a dark hat—

—and a pair of dark sunglasses.

“Mr. Spinowitz?” It’s a surprisingly high voice for such a big guy, and it quavers a bit at the end. “I need you to come with me.”

Some Thoughts on DuckBob Spinowitz

By Roger Henry David Thomas (a.k.a. Tall) 

men-in-black-3-sunglassesI am not entirely certain who I offended when I was assigned to work with the subject known as DuckBob Spinowitz. The Grays, an extraterrestrial race, found something worthy in him and made him a sort of guardian of the galaxy. He was tethered to The Matrix, seeing all and responsible for keeping peace and order.

Our agency is sworn to help him and somehow I became his handler. Then his partner. Now, I suppose, I call him a friend.

When we first met, I considered him a juvenile delinquent, a lab rat, and a loaded gun, a menace to Earth and the universe as a whole. But then things happened and he accomplished things that I thought difficult nigh unto impossible. And he did it after having his human head morphed into that of a mallard, literally becoming DuckBob.

He’s lazy and is the textbook definition of a slob. Yet, he somehow manages to keep tabs on the myriad alien races populating the known universe. I can’t tell a Yridian from a May-bin-yo but he can and right there I can admire him.

I once described my job to him, “What we do, it’s dangerous. Really dangerous. We’re facing aliens all the time that’re bigger than we are, stronger than we are, faster than we are, smarter than we are, and a lot of ’em have way better tech than we do—and much bigger guns. We’re putting ourselves at risk every day, in order to protect the American people and their way of life.”

DuckBob has to worry about the entire universe.

And there are times I think the universe worries about him. I just got word, the universe apparently feels it owes DuckBob some kind of debt. They’ve found a way for him to do his job without being connected 24/7 to the Matrix. He’s been brought to Earth to taste freedom for the first time in years.

My task: keep him safe and keep him close because they may have freed him, but I also know the universe is a joker. Something’s coming for DuckBob and I have to keep him safe.

God help me, but we need DuckBob. And I need my friend (not that you need to tell him that).

DuckBob (and Tall) will return this fall in Three Small Coinkydinks.

Counting Down to our 2nd Anniversary Part 2

Trying Something New

2ndBirthdayC8“Write something different.” That was the challenge a friend and fellow writer gave me a few years ago. I’d been telling her how I was between contracts at the time—I’d been doing a lot of tie-in books, and a lot of children’s books—and how I had the itch to start something new but didn’t know what. I had a whole file full of story ideas, but how to choose? “Go with something different, challenge yourself,” she suggested.

Which made me bypass all the fantasies and mysteries and dark fantasies and thrillers—the sort of thing I’d been writing—and pull out a one-liner about a wacky duck-headed man instead.

And so No Small Bills was born.

I had an absolute blast writing about the silly, crazy, off-the-wall adventures of DuckBob Spinowitz and his pals on

their out-of-control cosmic road trip to save the universe. This was a side of myself that had never emerged onto the page before, and letting it loose was incredibly freeing—and a whole lot of fun.

Everyone who read the drafts thought so, too. Including editors. There was just one problem:

“Comedy doesn’t sell,” I was told time and again. “We can’t buy it. It’s great, but we just can’t.”

No one was willing to take a chance on a science fiction comedy.

JLS_2629

Well, that isn’t entirely fair. Crossroad Press, which had published my space opera The Birth of the Dread Remora and for whom I’d co-created the O.C.L.T. occult thriller series, probably would have. But Crossroad dealt in horror, dark fantasy, urban fantasy, mystery, thriller, some science fiction, even epic fantasy from time to time.

Not comedy.

That was well outside their comfort zone, and while I appreciated their willingness to try it for me, I wasn’t sure that would be doing either of us any good.

Which left me with a really good book, one I was sure people would enjoy reading—and no one to publish it.

Until Mike started talking about “we can do this ourselves.” And Bob added, “yes, we can!” And Peter and Glenn said, “absolutely!”

Too Small coverAnd I figured, “sure, why not?”

Why not publish it myself? I had the know-how—years as a roleplaying publisher, time working with small presses, and years working for a big publishing house. Experience as an editor,  a graphic designer, and a book production person. I didn’t know the epub field very well, but Glenn did and he offered to guide me through that part. And I had Bob and Mike and Peter to offer support and feedback and their voices when it came time to tell people the book was available.

No Small Bills was Crazy 8’s second release. In its first week on the NOOK it placed only two steps behind a slender little volume called A Dance with Dragons.

Seems comedy could sell, after all.

Now here we are, approaching Crazy 8’s second anniversary. And DuckBob is still going strong. After No Small Bills came Too Small for Tall, and later this year the crew will return for their third novel, Three Small Coinkydinks. I’m really happy with the way the first two DuckBob books turned out, and that’s largely because I’ve had total control of them every step of the way. Which is one of the great things about Crazy 8 Press. Since we aren’t a big publishing house, we don’t have layers between the author and his work any more than we do between the author and his readers. Each author has full authority over his own books, how they look, how they read, how they’re released. Our readers are getting the true, unadulterated experience. Our books, the way we intended them.

And that’s definitely something new—and something that apparently sells every bit as well as a silly SF comedy about a duckheaded man and his friends.

Is It Still Funny the Second Time Around?

My friends can tell you that I can be a funny guy at times. Not all the time, maybe, but who is? Still, I manage a few zingers now and again, and I’ve been known to make people’s heads explode—not literally, that’d be gross—and to make people snarf their drinks from time to time.

But, before No Small Bills, I’d never written funny.

Not flat-out funny, at least. I’d done wry, certainly, and over the top, and slightly tongue in cheek. I’d done amusing moments and funny lines—hell, I wrote two Eureka novels! But I’d never written anything that was just utterly goofball off-the-wall silly funny.

When I sat down to write a new, wholly original novel a few years back, however, I flipped through my catalog of story ideas—most writers have them—and DuckBob was the one that jumped out at me. And it was clearly going to have to be funny. After all, he has the head of a duck—it was either going to be an insanely silly book or a deep philosophical treatise told through surreal metaphor. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy or The Metamorphosis.

Not surprisingly, I sided with Adams over Kafka. Also, not a huge fan of cockroaches.

That left me with the task of writing something funny, though. Not as easy as it sounds.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure I had it in me. But I was more than willing to give it a try. I let my “inner silly” loose, and rocketed through a crazy tale of interstellar trains, outer-space greasy spoons, color thefts, killer shrimp, prison breaks, car accidents, taffy pulls, and so much more (if none of this sounds familiar to you, go and read the book! Go on—I’ll wait). I wound up having an absolute blast writing it—and, at least according to what people who’ve read it have told me, I succeeded. It’s funny. Very funny.

No Small Bills did well enough that I knew there was room in this world for a few more tales about DuckBob and his pals. Plus, I loved writing about DuckBob so much, I wanted to get back in there and see what happened next!

But then the awful question arose—could I be funny a second time?

Especially since, with No Small Bills, I didn’t really have a plan. I just started writing and let DuckBob determine where things went—which, if you know DuckBob, explains a lot! With the sequel, Too Small for Tall, I reverted to my usual writing habits and plotted the thing out beforehand. Not every nook and cranny, certainly, but at least the basic storyline. I’d already had an idea of how to start it—with cookies!—and of what would happen next, and although I left room for DuckBob’s usual silliness, I did figure out where the plot was going from start to finish. No Small Bills is a cosmic road trip, after all, so it can meander all over the place. Too Small for Tall is actually a police procedural, when you get right down to it, and that requires a bit more structure.

Would that ruin the sense of silly spontaneity, though? Would it feel more forced than the first book, more staid and structured? Less funny?

I wasn’t sure. But this was how the book came together, so I was just going to have to go with it.

I’m happy with how it turned out. I think Too Small for Tall is just as silly and goofy and funny as No Small Bills. There’s still lots of wackiness—floating bowling balls and cookie zombies and disco aliens and hot-tubbing earthworms—and of course DuckBob’s trademark snark. It does have a tighter structure, but I think that fits with what’s going on and with where everyone is in their own headspace—including DuckBob himself.

I think it’s as funny. What do you think? Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Funny Gets a Face-lift

When I started writing No Small Bills a couple years ago, I didn’t really have a lot in my head about where I was going with it. I didn’t have a detailed outline—which was a rarity for me—or a cast list—also unusual. All I had, in fact, was the idea of doing a very silly, very funny book reminiscent of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy or Good Omens, the basic concept of the main character trying to save the universe, and the character himself. DuckBob Spinowitz. He, at least, was clear in my mind. I could practically picture him—as I proved when I had him describe himself in excruciating (and borderline scandalous) detail.

So, of course, when it came time to do the cover I knew DuckBob had to be on it. Who else’s mug could do the book’s silliness justice? And I knew it should say “outer space” as well.

I just didn’t know how, exactly.

Then I had the idea to turn DuckBob into his own constellation. Hey, there’s a Dogstar, why not a Duckstar? Why not a whole flock of them? Besides, doing the cover that way would kill three birds with one stone—showing DuckBob, showing outer space, and showing it’s funny. And that’s a pretty good shot, if you ask me.

I built the cover—first creating the image of DuckBob, then turning it into a constellation and laying it onto a starry night sky. I was pleased. It looked sharp. It looked snazzy. It looked cool.

What it didn’t look was silly.

Not really. It was a little too slick for that, I suppose. And I didn’t realize that myself. It took one of my friends to point it out to me. A year later. “It’s a good cover,” she said. “Very sharp. But it doesn’t scream ‘funny.’” The more I stared at it, the more I saw that she was right. It needed to shout “this is a funny, silly book” in great big letters. Three miles high. On fire. Pirouetting. On tiny little tricycles. Made of fish.

Which meant I had to redo it.

Meanwhile, I was putting the finishing touches on the manuscript for DuckBob’s second adventure, Too Small for Tall—that’s right, DuckBob’s back, this time trying to help his MiB pal Tall from a horrible fate involving traffic citations, missing shadows, and cookies. Yes, cookies. Then it occurred to me, this was the perfect time to redo the cover to the first book. I could match the two up visually, making it abundantly clear they were part of the same series. And I could make them both funny.

The only question was, how?

I tussled with cover ideas for months (yes, months—I get a little obsessive sometimes). Nothing felt right. Nothing stuck. I talked to artists about it, figuring maybe I needed to step back and hand the actual cover creation to someone else. I found an artist who loved the concept of DuckBob, whose art fit what I was looking for, and who was interested in working with me.

Then he disappeared.

I found another artist—an old friend, this time—who also got all enthused.

Then he disappeared.

I refused to try a third time. I didn’t want that on my conscience.

Which meant it was back to me. Finally, since I absolutely had to have something for Too Small, I put together a cover image—Tall straddling the world, so huge all you really see are his legs atop the globe, the rest of him vanishing into space.

And it worked.

It was striking. It was sharp. It was funny.

I showed it to a few trusted friends. One of them, my buddy and former SCE co-writer and fellow Crazy 8’er Glenn Hauman, had some great suggestions on how to improve it. Nothing major, no change to the overall image, just ways to punch it up. They sounded good. I asked him to make those changes, and he did. And he was right. It was better. Much, much better.

Now I had a cover for Too Small for Tall. And, with that one done, suddenly I had a template for the new No Small Bills cover. I had a flash, a clear image in my head of how that new cover should look. I put it together. It came out beautifully. Sharp, and striking, and colorful—and really, really funny.

I even know what the cover for the third book will be, already.

And if you look closely, you can see those tricycles. Even the fish are pleased.